I have no idea what Im doing

So it looks as though the photographer is already setting me back close to £600 per day, and this will leave me broke.

This process is emotionally draining and at times leaves me feeling quite deflated. He's spoken at such length about his work, his regrets, and the things he wishes he'd done. And yet here is potentially a chance to put it right and all he does is patronise me. With every passing day he gets grumpier. I'm starting to get the feeling he'd rather i left soon, and that's not nice. I don't blame him, as that's just how he is- very private and extremely neurotic about interactions being imposed on him. It's really not easy to fight an uncooperative person's cause, but it has to be done, and it has to be done by me. My siblings can't help as they all live in Bristol and work full time jobs. My mum can't help as she's in Devon, studying full time and has my sister to look after. That just leaves me. And if i don't resist his efforts to shut this all down the family as a whole is going to face an unimaginable nightmare when he's gone. Not only will there be the human loss, which will leave us all devastated, but then there's the practical realities of what he leaves behind. My mum will be crippled with grief, not just at losing her father, but also having her ties with London- the only place she calls home- severed. We will have 1 month at most to clear his flat of all his belongings and paintings. My mum is the sort of person who attaches a lot of sentimental value to objects. I just know she will want to keep everything, but she won't be able to, because her place is full. Things will have to be given away or sold, and so there's really only one chance to make this happen. I can't revisit this opportunity at a later date.

I've just found this all much harder than i'd anticipated for a number of reasons. Using a camera phone for filming probably doesn't help as there's not much scope for the type of shots i film. I also don't have so many places to rest this miniature tripod, and i can't pan with the camera because the little wobbles look shit. It's hard to gauge how much of my problems filming come from a general artistic ineptitude on my behalf. I've fiddled around with laying various shots over differing bits of audio and nothing seems to look right. It's hard to have any single camera shot running for more than 8 or so seconds. Any longer just feels off. And yet 8 seconds is such a short period of time that i'm running out of interesting things to show very quickly.