Notes not all lost

Tiny bit of relief. I seem to have a backup of my notes on memory stick. It's not super recent, but at worst ive lost 3 month of notes, and to be honest, i hadnt really been taking many during that time.

The hotmail thing is still baffling. I am certain all the details i am inputting are correct. I have double checked with email recipients that i have their correct address and also the title of the email i sent. This should be all i need to gain access but it still doesnt work. Im wondering if the conditions for gaining access again havent been tightened after so many failed attempts.

I could not sleep last night. It's a very strange emotion that's hard to describe. Not one ive felt before. Just picturing those books finally making their way to someone important or influential, who then sends me one single email, and i never fucking get it. If it was just about the wasted money id be over it by now, but i think it's knowing that the whole experiment cant even be repeated. eugh